I am not embarrassed

I really don't care who knows that my husband died. I honestly want the whole world to know. I understand that it makes people uncomfortable and they don't know what to say or do, but this is my life now. I'm not going to hide it or sugar coat it so that someone else doesn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of the information. It wasn't sugar coated for me and my life is one giant bowl of uncomfortable right now so why pretend I'm okay and act like nothing happened? I'm an emotional wreck. I do weird, silly things like talk and yell and scream to a man that is in a box on my counter. I cry and laugh at inappropriate times and I'm not embarrassed to be what I am right now. Some people who don't understand think I should put my game face on and deal with it privately but this isn't a private thing. My husband died, the world is less because he is no longer here. This is not something that you should ignore or pretend like it's in another room. It's everywhere and all encompassing for me. I drive down the road and cry often. I sit in the park on the swing and talk to "no one". I may seem crazy sometimes and that's because I am. There's nothing to do about it and I'm relatively harmless. Just don't ignore someone who is going through a rough patch. It's hard to do things on my own and even though I'm emotionally unstable right now I keep coming back to reality. I understand the difference between visiting the deep end and going off it. It's an uncomfortable situation and if you don't want to be around it or hear about it then go away. I have enough on my plate right now to deal with and I don't need anyone's issues but my own. I feel what I feel when I feel it. I am not going to apologise for who and what I am right now and I never will.