I've noticed, and I'm grateful, that many people are attempting to treat me like they did before my husband died. I feel like I put on a good show. I don't cry in public very often and I can laugh and enjoy a conversation or movie. I feel like people look at me and don't know what to do or say and that's ok. I know how it looks from the outside. I've been on the outside before. Not many know what it looks like from my point of view though. I'm broken and I'm not the same person. I'm trying which is what most people see. They see me trying to be who I use to be. I think I'm still here somewhere. Maybe not though. I'm not really sure of those things anymore. When my husband was alive I was so very sure of my life and where I stood. Now I just don't know. One more day down and I don't know how many to go.
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